Everyone is having an identity crisis
- Danielle Hughes
- 11 minutes ago
- 6 min read
Career change and identity crisis: who are you now?
Who even are you?
I’m not a woo person.
I don’t do crystals, care about where Venus or Mercury might be or obsess over my horoscope.
I am, however, woo adjacent.
I love the occasional tarot card reading and do think we get signs from the universe.
I believe that if you pay attention, the universe is often trying to tell you something.
This last month, at least three people in quick succession talked to me about their identity. They were all struggling with what their identity was now that they’d made a career or life change.
One is a business owner who’s taking a break to be a full-time Mom for a few months. One is a business owner who took a full-time job after years of running a successful company. And one is at a crossroads of where to go next.
In fact, because I work with so many women at inflection points, identity has been an underlying theme for a long time, but that specific word has now surfaced multiple times.
So, universe, I hear you. And I’m paying attention.
I identify with that remark
To be fully transparent, I’ve also been struggling with identity this year. Business was very slow in Q1 and I strongly considered returning to the workforce. In fact, I’m still considering it for the right role (don’t worry, I’ll always do MTW on the side!). (But also, if you have a role you think is great for me, let’s chat!)
But for years I was adamant I’d never go back. I was unemployable. I loved my flexible schedule.
My identity was business owner and entrepreneur and fellow unemployable.
Someone who could never see herself back inside an organization.
But as more and more of my fellow business owners choose to return to full-time work, that identity started to crack.
Why was I hanging on to this so tightly?
Why did the idea of returning seem like a failure to me?
What would it mean for my identity if I worked for a company and not myself?
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. And I’m so proud of what I’ve built and continue to build.
But running your own business is hard! You’re constantly cultivating the next sale, the next idea. You can never take your foot off the gas because paychecks only come when you’re excellerating. There’s no coasting. There’s also no paid time off, medical, benefits or 401K.
Not that you can coast inside a company (legal disclaimer). But you actually can, because someone else is bringing in the business. You just do the work. So by going back to an organization, I’d actually be able to do the work I’m good at, all the time, because the selling piece would be someone else’s job. In fact, that’s the point. Inside an organization you have one job, not all the jobs like when you run your own business.
Take care
One of the friend’s who returned to a corporate job said the nicest thing about how she felt. Yes, she expected stability and structure when taking a full-time job. But what she didn’t expect, and she’s receiving, is being cared for.
She feels taken care of by her employer because she was someone who’s always had to take care of everything and everyone prior. (My parents and caregivers out there know this all too well regardless of who they work for.)
I can’t get this thought out of my head. Being cared for.
I think most people who’ve spent their entire career working for companies would never phrase it this way. After all, it’s a job and in exchange for the job you get all of these things.
But when you’ve had to care for and about everything for years as a solopreneur, founder or business owner, this idea sounds pretty damn nice. But what does that mean for my identity?
I recently had dinner with a former boss and was sharing that I was considering full-time work again. He surprised me by saying that he really hoped I didn’t because I was an inspiration to him as a business owner.
A very sweet sentiment but also a lot of pressure! To me, this suggested that should I choose this path I’d let people down. And because he’d recently gone out on his own, he needed reassurance he was doing the right thing.
So I told him that just because I decided to do something for me now, didn’t erase the successes I’d had in my business previously. In fact, when you sell or exit your company that’s seen as a win, not a failure, even though you’re leaving. How was this different (other than the 6 or 7-figure buy out? I will take offers, btw.)
But he had assigned my identity to being a successful solo business owner and he wanted to emulate that. Again, beyond flattering. But not my identity. Or at least not one that’s fixed.
America is the only country that ties so much of who we are to what we do. So when you change jobs, careers, or life stations, it’s no wonder we don’t know who we are anymore. Who am I if not the Chief Personality Officer of More Than Words Marketing?
I’m a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a Giant’s fan, a barbell thrower, a wine drinker, a laugher, a witty retorter, a word lover, a traveler, a truth teller, an ice cream aficionado, a foodie, a creative and so much more. I’m Danielle.
None of this has to do with what I do for work or who I work for.
This is my identity and that will never change.
What’s yours?
Need identity help, stat?
One way to think about who you are is to assess how you show up, online and off. These quick audits and frameworks can help your bio, message or positioning take shape. It’s the first step in stepping into yourself, as you are now and for who you want to be.
Da Claw for Da Super Fans
Let’s be clear, I’m not a Chicago sports fan (see above). But, one of my closest former work friends (from our days at ABC Television), who I’ve known for almost three decades now, just launched an amazing new business and it’s for all the sports fans.
A die-hard Cubs and Bears fan, Grant lamented the pathetic foam finger and lack of any cool prop for his teams. I mean, why hasn’t someone updated the foam finger in like 60 years? Well, he did. And it’s amazing!
Introducing, Da Claw! This moldable and movable soft foam hand is the coolest accessory for any sports fan. Starting out with the Chicago market (but plans to roll out across the country and the world!), Da Claw is going to take the country by storm.
And you can be one of the first to own one. Grant has an initial 2000 piece run and the first 100 ship free, so you need to run, not walk and order yours today!
I promise you that Da Claw is going to be everywhere and you can be one of the first to own one. Grab your Da Claw today!
What’s a personal identity shift?
A personal identity shift happens when who you thought you were starts to change because your life, work, role, or priorities change. Fun, right? Nothing like a career pivot, business slowdown, full-time job offer, parenting season, or existential Tuesday to make you ask, “Wait, who even am I now?” The good news is your identity is allowed to evolve. You’re not locked into one version of yourself forever.
How is redefining your identity different from having a midlife crisis?
Redefining your identity isn’t automatically a midlife crisis, dramatic haircut optional. A midlife crisis often gets framed as panic, regret, or a sudden urge to buy a convertible. Redefining your identity is more intentional. It means you’re paying attention to what no longer fits and deciding what still feels true. It’s less “burn it all down” and more “what actually belongs to me now?”
Who is this identity work for?
This identity work is for business owners, solopreneurs, career changers, parents, caregivers, leaders, and anyone standing at an inflection point wondering, “What does this next version of me look like?” It’s especially for people who’ve tied a lot of their identity to what they do for work. Because spoiler alert, you’re not just your job title, your business, your LinkedIn headline, or your ability to answer emails at alarming speed.
What results can I expect from redefining my identity?
When you redefine your identity, you get more clarity, more freedom, and less panic when your life changes. You stop treating every pivot like a personal failure. You start seeing your past success as part of your story, not proof that you have to stay stuck there forever. You can make choices based on who you are now, not who everyone else decided you were five years ago.
Why does identity work matter when your career or life changes?
Identity work matters because change gets messy when your sense of self is glued to one role. If you only know yourself as a founder, employee, caregiver, entrepreneur, boss, or “person who would never go back to corporate,” any shift can feel like failure. But when you know who you are beyond the title, you can move through change without losing yourself. Groundbreaking, annoying, and unfortunately true.
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