I've got feelings about feelings

The unexamined beliefs running your personal brand

I’m not thrilled to be talking about feelings this week. But I know it will help me and hopefully help you. If you have feelings about feelings, I’d love to hear them. 

If you don’t, then I have two events you might be interested in instead. Because sometimes we just want to learn. 

I’m not crying. No, really, I’m not.

I don’t have tear ducts.

That’s the joke I’ve told most of my adult life. It’s not that I don’t feel. I have a lot of feelings about feelings, and they’re complicated.

I’m Gen X. Move along, get it done. Rub some dirt on it. Tough it out. That’s our mantra.

I think the world right now is a little too in its feelings, and maybe (ok probably) my generation wasn’t in them enough. I’d like the Goldilocks version please.

Here’s what nobody tells you about owning a business: your personal and professional feelings stop being separate. They’re inextricably linked.

It’s very annoying.

So I’ve been doing the thing I avoided for decades: getting introspective. I’ve been asking what these feelings actually mean, and how they can make me a better business owner. Better everything.

It’s working. (I still haven’t cried…yet.)

Some of the professional communities I’m in talk about lighting sage, pulling tarot cards, and what phase the moon and venus are in. Every cell in my body wants to run out screaming. Instead I turn my camera off so I can roll my eyes.

But past the woo (wayyy past), what this all comes down to is mindset. And there’s real evidence that the beliefs we carry shape how we lead, how we sell, and how we show up.

If you want to cleanse your aura because it helps you reframe, you do you boo. But regardless, this is about reframing how we think and the patterns we’ve been unknowingly stuck in.

It’s funny because my whole business is helping people find the words to show up clearly, confidently, and like themselves.

Turns out I had to do that work on me, too.

You’ll be fine

One belief I uncovered: I’ve always been perceived as the strong one, so I’ve always stepped aside for other people.  

Others were seen as more fragile and since I “could handle it,” I’ve been asked to give them the floor, the spot, the role, etc. 

My first memory of this was in high school. I made the tennis team. I was so excited to travel and play on the team. But me getting the nod one week meant another girl had to sit out.

She was crying. Her friends, who I thought were my friends, all came to me and asked if I’d consider letting her play because she was so upset. After all, I was the sturdier one (physically and emotionally) and it would mean soooo much to her.

The belief was “I’d be fine, but she would not.”

So I ceded my spot. And I’ve been doing a version of this ever since. Which might surprise anyone who knows me, because I’m a confident person. But it turns out that self advocacy and confidence aren’t the same thing.

I’m learning that I can be strong and still advocate for myself.

I can be strong and still feel like I’m just as deserving. Just because “I can handle it”, doesn’t mean I should or I have to. 

You don’t need to own a business for this to apply. Whether you’re running the whole show or building a career inside someone else’s, your work and your sense of self blur together. 

This woman ain’t stepping aside for anyone

The beliefs you haven’t looked at are making decisions for you.

In a recent example, a very senior client at one of the top global financial firms, who was managing 20K people (that’s correct), was being told by his boss to change his leadership style. That, even though he’d risen through the ranks, been promoted for years and was one of the most senior people in the org., he didn’t match the image his boss had for a leader.

He came to me because he was holding back his story. He felt stifled and didn’t know how to share the more “informal” side of him. After we worked together, he landed the Global CIO role for a Fortune 100 Insurance firm. And he went from having no story to tell, to posting on LinkedIn frequently and in his own voice. Stepping into his own thought leadership, on his terms and no longer stepping aside.

So ask yourself: are you stepping aside for others? Are you feeling too much or not enough and want to better understand how to harness that for your next move?

Let’s chat.

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What is the Stepping-Aside Pattern?It’s the habit of giving up your spot (the role, the mic, the credit) because you’re “the strong one” who’ll be fine either way. It looks like generosity, but it’s usually an old belief making decisions for you. Confident people do it all the time. Confidence and self-advocacy aren’t the same muscle.

How is this different from mindset coaching or “doing the inner work”?No sage. No tarot. No checking where Venus is. We find the specific belief that’s holding you back, then translate it into language you can actually use in your bio, your pitch, your LinkedIn posts, and the room you’re trying to lead. The insight is only useful if it changes how you show up.

Who is this for?It’s for professionals who are good at what they do and quiet about it. That includes senior leaders told they don’t “look like” a leader, business owners whose work and identity have blurred, and anyone who has said “it’s fine, I can handle it” one too many times. You don’t need to own a business, and you don’t need to cry.

What results can I expect?You’ll be able to tell your story clearly, in your own voice, without editing out the parts that make you you. For one client managing 20,000 people, that meant going from no story to regular LinkedIn thought leadership, and then landing a Global CIO role at a Fortune 100 firm. Your results will look like you, not like a template.

Why does this approach work?The beliefs you haven’t examined shape how you lead, sell, and advocate for yourself. Better messaging can’t fix a belief that keeps talking you out of using it. Naming the pattern first means the words you build afterward actually hold up under pressure.